Sunday, September 9, 2007

Am I who I want to be...

I pulled this little piece out of the sister persons What she did this summer..

There is a song by Switchfoot "This Is Your Life", it's my summer anthem. The most powerful lyrics in the song are:

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

I haven't the slightest clue who exactly Switchfoot is.. the name seems to indicate they some 70's band but I can gaurantee you I am wrong there. I mean doesn't Switchfoot fit right in with Foghat, Blackfoot, names like that?

Ok the point of this post has nothing to do with band names although I am sure I could do a complete post about the weirdness of some of them. Golden Earring??

Anyway.. the point is Am I who I want to be...

To be honest .. no. am not who I wanted to be. Let me explain.
Who I wanted to be 20 years ago (give or take a year or so) doesn't fit with who I am today.

Let me start from WAY back when I was 5 I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I was in kindergarden. My response was a Nurse. That had to be the stupidest response in the world. I don't mean just a little dumb I mean full out STUPID. Not only can I not stand the sight of living blood but even a needle piercing living skin makes me queezy.

It seriously makes me wonder how I lived through the numerous piercings I have as well as multiple tatoos and dying for more. To me it isn't the same... I mean I can handle someone shoving a spike through my tongue no problem.. come at me or someone else with a needle and look out I am going to hit the floor. I can not watch Trama life in the ER, surgery shows on Discovery, ER, Grey's Anatomy, or House alone because there will be no one there to say.. it is ok you can look now. My husband has grown used to my queeziness to a degree and hands out the band aids so I don't have to look and he watches tv with me so I am not sitting there alone in the dark with my eyes covered screaming at no one IS IT OVER YET??

Now in direct contrast to this, I can watch autopsies, view mangled bodies, stomach the smell of burnt or decomposing flesh like it is second nature. Doesnt' bother me. Not at all. Maggots, bugs, I am fine. Even if they are wiggling in decomposing flesh. I know I sound sick but seriously I am not. Let me explain. I think I missed my calling back in kindergarden.. it wasn't a nurse I had the want to be, it was a medical examiner. Death does no bother me, not in a sense that I back away from it. There are many dead people out there that have one last story to tell, they can tell us so much.. who murdered them, what they did on their last moments, how the accident of their death occured. Just one more story before they are laid to rest. It takes a certain kind of person to get that story out of another human who no longer has a voice. I think I was that person but I missed it. I know could always just keep going to school and get it right.. wrong. You see the queeziness of the living has gotten much much worse in the last 10 years I mean to the point of panic at a small cut bad. And to be an ME you must complete medical school. There is no way I could do it. It is a shame because 20 years ago it would have been uncomfortable but i would have survived it without banging my head on the floor from passing out.

So am I would I wanted to be at 5 no.

I am going to skip to today because the years between 5 and now are riddled with incosistancy and nonesense.

Am I who I wanted to be. No.. am I who I want to be yes.
I know that probably makes no sense at all but I am who I want to be right this minute.
Who I am.... According to Meredith Brooks..

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way"

There are other things that make me who I am as well...
I am a friend.
I have a home.. I want a new house but that is different than a home.
I have money.. just not as much as I would like but does anyone.
I am a blogger.
I am a business woman..
I am a student.

Over all right this minute I am who I want to be. I do not have moments like some people and go WOW.. my dreams have come true. Because the dreams I had before are nothing of the person I am today. That is not a bad thing. I do have moments in time when I do look around and go WOW. My wow is different. My wow is a wow of ..

I finally found what I didn't know I was looking for.

I am the who I should have wanted to be but never knew I could be.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

What I did this Summer...

Welcome to my novel!! It was suggested that I edit down and I think that is probably a good idea but I post so infrequently now that I am going to leave you with the long version, it will keep you busy for a few days!

One can only hope that people catch on to this and do the same. The infamous "What I did this Summer.." essay everyone was required to write at the beginning of the school year during nearly ALL of our school years I think should carry on to our adulthood. I mean think about it. When do we sit down and write about what we did in the past few months.. Janunary? At the beginning of the year? Yes maybe some do, I don't. I should, but I don't.
So when I read the "What I did last summer.." over HERE I thought it would be a great idea to do my own and see how many of the rest of you followed suit.

My summer started in April, April 1st, April Fools Day.. you know when everyone gets married. Ok not everyone but I did! I love that April Fools Day is my wedding day. It was also the wedding day of BOTH sets of my grandparents, it seems so special. The following week we went to Nags Head for our honeymoon which turned out to be wonderful! We had a great time, even though it was way to cold to enjoy the beach for longer than an hour or so at a time. It gave us both a chance to explore Nags Head and the surrounding areas without feeling like we had wasted beach time!

The following week after we had a baby! That is right I got married one week got a puppy the next. :) Our sweet little Binky Boo! She is the most wonderful joy! All 3.1 lbs of her!! She really hasn't grown all that much since we got her, maybe a little but not much. Not a day goes by that she doesn't do something to make us laugh out loud. She is the best entertainment and has brought my husband and I even closer together. Binky likes to spend days with her Daddy outside working (aka chasing her best friend Pitty Kuss all around the yard) and nights with her Mama relaxing and reading a good book or watching Law and Order.

Over the next few months we just got into the normal routine of being married, enjoying each other and our time together. Drake finished up school, passing on to the 5th grade (by a miracle I am sure) and spent his first summer in his life with nothing to do! I did not make him join any clubs or programs for the first time ever. He seemed to enjoy the late sleeping and the lazy days of doing whatever he wanted.

I spent quite a few days on the road over the summer with work. 99% of that time I spent the evenings with the sister person. She is such a fun person, and to be able to say that after 25 years I still love her is amazing. Most of the people I considered friends in high school have gone by the way side and I saw them for WHO they are and they weren't people I wanted in my life forever. This summer the sister person and I spent our birthdays together for the first time in 17 years, give or take a year or two. I technically still owe her for her day, she has a day coming of pedicures and whatever dinner she wants. Our birthdays are exactly 2 weeks apart and when her birthday rolled around that week was very busy for both of us. (see i haven't forgotten your day). I have to say this year was a birthday I will remember for a long time as it brought back memories of days gone WAY by.

I started school this summer. I know a little backwards, but I did. I finished up those classes this week and I have a two week break. I know I passed Law with a solid A+ 98.5 to be exact. Math I am not so sure about. I am waiting on the last part of my final to be graded. I either squeaked by with a A- or a B+. Considering the amount of time I have been out of any sort of formal schooling I am proud of my grades.

My oldest son got his learners permit this summer. I haven't had the pleasure of having him Drive Mrs. Waterman's Wife around yet, but hearing the stories from my mother is enough to keep me wondering if I want to partake in that pleasure. By the time I had my learners permit I had been driving for years, even a stick shift (even though I have yet to master hills with a clutch) so when I got behind the wheel for the first time legally I just took off like a bat out of hell and haven't slowed down since. My son on the other hand had not been behind the wheel of anything bigger than a lawn mower until about 2 months prior to being legal and had never driving on anything with lines, I think the most he ever did was drive the truck across my mothers yard. Times are so different. My father likes to tell me the story of the time he was stopped by a State Trooper at 14 years old because the tail light on the car was broken. The trooper took him home to his father and the trooper informed my grandfather that Joe had no business being on any road driving. He was only 14. My grandfather promptly informed the trooper he didn't see why the hell not since Joe had been driving around town since he was 10 and hadn't been in a accident ever! I myself was 14 when I took my first spin on state owned highways.

My daughter is 13, what a strange age. We have spent this summer enjoying each other and learning about each other. We have started a new tradition, every two weeks we go have pedicures together and once a month have the eyebrows debushed. I wish I had time like that with my mother when I was younger. Wait Wait Wait no I don't! I wish I had time like that when I was younger with my sisters mother. And sometimes I can remember laying in her bed in the little cottage in Cherry Point talking to her. I was a little older than 13 but not much. My daughter got her first cell phone this summer, which by the way I have possession of at the moment until she can pay me the $25 she owes me for her text bill! My daughter hates the color pink, which is very funny since I did too at her age. Now it is one of my fav's.

My baby turned 10 this summer. It has been a decade since I held an infant at 2 am with a bottle, and I hope it at least another decade before I hold another one at 2 am! I do not miss those nights. What I reflected on was his first decade on his birthday, I remembered how bright his smile was as a baby. What his little feet looked like. His first step. His first word (which was mama) the first day of school, the first time he played contact football, the first bike wreck, the first fist fight. I thought of all the times I spent with him laying on my bed watching some crazy movie on TV. I thought of the summer I read the Wind in the Willows to him every night before bed. My little man is growing up. Even though he still likes Mama's hugs and reassurance I have learned that it is not ok in public. He likes his independence and has no desire to have a "baby sitter" when the husband and I go out. I have that luxury of not having to get one since the mother in law lives right next door and it makes the kid think he has his independence when in truth he doesn't. He is being spied on. He has shown that he does not want to leave home when I am out of town and wants to stay here with the Waterman when I am gone. I can honestly say my family no longer has a baby, or small child. My family now has a young man who is more than a hand full but we love him anyway!

The family has spent a considerable amount of time fishing this summer (some people like golf we like fishing). Dude has the luck with the fish, the Waterman spends so much time getting fish off of Dude's line that he hasnt' had much luck this summer. Did I mention that the sharks are taking over around here and we have caught way more than we actually have wanted too? The first 10 were fun and exciting as they fight and pull and you actually have to work really hard to get them in the boat. But you know you have caught one too many when the 10 year old states rather matter a factly .. I got another damn shark.

I have read many good books this summer, even though due to school not near as many as I would have like to read. I have read so many books in my life that I can't even begin to name them all. I am going to have to thank the sister person for the gift of reading she gave me. I am not even sure if she knows this. But my love of the written word is her fault. I hated to read before that summer in Cherry Point. Even though that was an exciting summer it was still laced with sadness and disappointments that teenage girls should not have to deal with. It was that summer I noticed the small book shelf in her room that was over crowded with Sweet Valley High books. I picked up book number 13.. yup that is me.. never start with number 1. I even started the Harry Potter books at number 2. Either way Jessica and Elizabeth quickly pulled me into their perfect world at Sweet Valley, even though the girls dealt with their own troubles and boyfriend stealing friends they weren't dealing with the sadness and disappointments I was going through in my real life. To be honest even as I opened that first book I knew that I had already dealt with more in my life than Jessica and Elizabeth ever would but that is what I needed. I needed somewhere to retreat, somewhere to hide, somewhere no one knew me and that summer Sweet Valley High was my escape from the world in which I had to live. Since that summer I have explored the Pyramid's in Egypt, visited Ruined Castles, met Magical creatures, solved mysteries, cried at deaths of friends, shared in the joys of marriages and births, rooted for the underdog, celebrated justice served, as well as being part of many adventures in the past and in the future. All by opening the cover of a book. There have been many many good ones and a few bad ones along the way. In my life I have never jumped ahead and read the last chapter for fear of missing the importance of something in between, I have never stopped reading a book completely. There have been times I put one down due to lack of interest but later picked it back up and finished it because it nagged at me. There has only been one book in my life that I can honestly say I wish I had never read, American Psycho, that book has been the start of many bad dreams. That was the one book I wish I had put down and not picked back up. I hated that book from Chapter 1 but continued reading because I needed that guy to be caught, he wasn't. So to my dear sister, thank you for saving my life, because without the retreat to worlds and lives other than the one I have lived I am not sure I would still be living it. (morbid .. yes a little sorry)

Good Lord! Who knew that writing a summer essay would get this long. I am no where near complete with my thoughts but this post is very very long and I have yet to add the pictures! (which I will come back and do since I need to resize them)

So you see.. writing this short essay is a wonderful reflection! Come on guys write your own I want to see where it will lead you!!!!


Smooches to you all!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Yea well.. what exactly can I say

I stink at having fans.

To all of you that keep coming back to only see the same damn message ... SMOOCH! Bunches of them.

I am in the final count down in this semester.. finals next week. Work has gone completey NUTS.. along with my youngest who by the way just turned 10 yesterday, (where do the years go???) who is driving the awesome waterman that way very quickly.

I honestly do not have my shit together at the moment. I honestly do not know how to get shit together.. I am not sure I want to learn how.. that just seems gross. Where did that phrase come from.. getting ones shit together. Why would I want to know if you had yours together or why would you want to know that I had mine together???

or worse.. why would you want to know that I DON'T have my shit together.. does that mean I have shit all over in little piles?


Does this give any of you a peek into my state of mind at the moment????

Monday, August 6, 2007

Pondering a possible mistake

Ok.. so I got the older kids cell phones!

What have I done??? Just one more thing for me to worry about. Will they text their friends 3000 times a month vs. the 300 their plan allows? Will they use them before 7 and run up all the minutes on the family share plan?? Granted the fact that my oldest just got his learners permit and will be driving alone in a meer 5 months I figured it was time. I want to be able to call him and know where he is when he takes off on his own...

Hmm rule number 345 Do not talk and drive. Maybe that should be rule 1 but I can be only so hypocritical .. I talk on the phone, mess with my iPod, use my blackberry and drive all at the same time. Sorry Sis but I still do that.

So how is everyone? Me.. I made it threw my mid terms ok.. grades are doing well.
I spent a wonderful birthday with my dear sister who is now just as OLD as I am! We had a wonderful time at her birthday celebration. Well at least I did.. I am sure she did as well.

We are doing our treat day later .. last week was just exteremly busy and hectic for both of us so we will do that at a later time.
I have knitted absolutely NOTHING lately.. but who the heck has time! Heck I don't even have time to spend 3 minutes to let you guys know I am still alive.

SMMOOOCCHHHIIIIEEESSS I MISS YOU ALL!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...

It is my birthday and I have cute toes! How much more awesome can one be on their birthday!
I was taken to lunch and dinner and got to get my toes rubbed and painted, they are a really LUVERLY pink. The most LUVERLY sister person treated me very well and has only once or twice alluded to the fact that I am right now older than her. She has only 13 more days to pull that stunt. I was treated to Starbucks, the toesy rubbin', then an AWESOME Mexican dinner while we watched Breakfast at Tiffany's! Doesn't that sound just heavenly??

Want to know what makes it even cooler we get to do it all again in 13 days when she is OLD too!!! Granted she gets to pick the dinner but I am betting the Starbucks and the toe rubbin' remains the same. If for nothing else my feet are scaring her and she will want to keep them pretty in pink.

I miss the husband VERY MUCH but I am LOVING the toes.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Hook, Line and Stinker!

Ok everyone here is the line that has been requested in the last week!

As far is the hook.. I really do not have one other than my prize winning personality!!!

And the stinker.. this is my birthday week.. my first birthday in my whole life that I am married... my first birthday in my whole life that I have a husband to share my day with. I have always been a birthday person my birthday is MY day I should get to do what I want and people should treat me like a princess on my birthday. I should not have to lift a finger on my birthday. This is no different than any other day except I can say.. YOU HAVE TO CAUSE IT IS MY BIRTHDAY. If I tell my husband to wear a tu tu and dance the can can he has to because it is my BIRTHDAY. If I tell my son that he has to paint my toe nails he has to because IT IS MY BIRTHDAY. And because it is my birthday they have to SMILE while doing it. All sounds great.. right?? NOT the stinker is I will NOT be with my husband or my son... and when I scream BUT IT IS MY BIRTHDAY at my sister (who I will be spending my day with) she just screams back YES IT IS AND ALL IT MEANS IS NOW YOU ARE OLDER THAN ME!!!!

Life is so unfair.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Howdy Ho

Dear neighbor...
Hehehe I just called you all Ho's.

Been working hard on school the last couple of days. I have my math homework done for the week.. haven't done much on law.. must do that today. I am taking the next few days off work so today is FRIDAY for me Yippie! I am taking the boys to Busch Gardens on Thursday, we have season passes, so I am going even though I am still tired from going last Saturday. I want to go back one day... ALONE... or maybe my dear sister would like to come and go with me one day.. and watch the blasted SHOWS. Every time I go I say I am going to watch one show.. NOTHING.. NADA.. NONE have I seen yet. I have rode every ride 120 times but NO SHOWS. Unless you count the stupid thing they do in the Festhaus each and every hour on the hour that they have been doing since 1923. I think the people in there are robots.

I am falling behind in law.. that worries me. I am FIRST in math.. other people have their law homework done. I DON'T. ok.. stop complaining pull up your big girl panties and get it done and .. (anyone find it odd I am talking to myself)

Ok.. confession.. i don't know how any of you are..I haven't taken the time to blog read this week!!! I am a bad blog friend.

Got to run and do more homework.. I have a math quiz i scared to even download but buting the bullet later today.


HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY SMOOCHIES TO YOU ALL.. even you Katy..

I have a question.. do you think you can SHIP some of those crepes with vanilla cream cheese to VA???