Welcome to hell where it all starts to come out...

Today is Wednesday which is another day closer to Friday which is another day closer a three day weekend which is 3 days I can actually sleep in but probably won't because by then my insomnia will be back and I will be wide awake at 4 am.

Most of you know I have moved, as in physically away from the little township I called "home" for more years of my life than I can remember. Bavon for me was where I felt I belonged where I felt I could breath, where I felt I could be me. I think part of that feeling had to do with being close to the water. I have always been close to the water when I lived here in Virginia within walking distance and for the last 5 years spitting distance. (yes I measure things in spitting distance sometimes.. doesn't everyone) Today I am much farther than spitting distance and walking would just prove to be a burden, because the closest water to me is flanked by private property and I am not sure the current owners would even begin to understand my draw.

I can always get in my car and drive to the beach or the water but some how that feeling is just not the same. Not being able to look out from my office window and see a tiny sliver of water is disheartening to me. I know it sounds like a tiny little thing in life but to me it is just much bigger. The water is yet one more thing that has been ripped away from me by no fault of my own, unless you consider love a fault. Which these days I consider it a curse so I can see how someone may feel it is a fault.

Someone close to me told me that through this process of grieving I would feel many feelings but the three main phases I will shift through as this process goes on are; sadness, anger and just plain "I don't give a damns". For the first week or more it was complete sadness, I thought over and over that I would never get to anger or the "I don't give a damns" but I am here to tell you they come, even when you think they won't. You could be sitting there minding your own business yakking away on Facebook making a fool of yourself and all of a sudden you are so angry that the only thing that you see is red. Over nothing... someone could have just posted how pleased they were that their spouse changed their drawers (by drawers I mean underwear people) and you could be so angry that you just want to tell them and their clean drawers clad spouse to take a flying leap. I don't think this anger has anything to do with the fact that someone has changed their skivves, but the fact that the other someone has someone in their life that they can be proud of. It has been too many days since I was able to say I was proud of my spouse.

I am sure this is just the beginning of a long twisty turny road on the way to happiness but the truth of the matter is it is happening. It is happening to me. It is not something I can actually hide as I am a typically in your face kind of person and while I do in a sense hide behind laughter and jokes the rest of this is right here at the surface all waiting to spill out. Just this week I received a text asking me why I had posted on Facebook that I had moved. At first I didn't really recall posting that specifically but I may have, then I was asked why I would put something so personal about THEM out there for the world to see. "Excuse me.. about YOU.. ABOUT YOU?? You are kidding me right... so this is still all about you.

I was the one that had to leave my home, I was the one that had to explain to the people closest to me the truth, I was the one that wakes up at night to traffic not frogs (not that I like frogs mind you but I dislike traffic more), I am the one that daily finds something I wish I had with me, from something as big as my baby dog (which by the way I wish you would stop using as a pawn) to as little as my cutting board because it is red and cute. Yet some how, you feel you are the victim in this scenario and I have no right to talk about how I feel, where I am or better yet WHY I am where I am. Guess what buddy.. I woke up angry so SCREW YOU."

Today I came back here, to this blog after posting yesterday for the first time in months wondering if I existed.. wondering if my thoughts were still alive.. wondering if my life needed telling.. I have mulled that over since and I have decided there may be many things I may lose in the situation as it stands today, my water, my home, my dog, even my cute little red cutting board but the most important thing I won't allow him to take is ME, and part of me is this part of my life and I won't apologize for that to anyone.

So for now.. I am back.
Re

Do I even exist?

I am trying to figure out if I even exist here anymore.
I used to have this funny little witty side to me..
I have lost that.

I need to find that in order to keep this blog alive cause really who wants to read about sadness, upheaval, chaos, and drama all day every day.. hell I don't even want to write about it.

Miss you all much.
Re

With Regret

Technically it was with mockery but whatever, I have written my obituary. I am hoping that between now and then it will be filled in with yet more fun facts but for now here we go.

Please feel free to send me any edits you would like made, I will approve or reject and squeeze them in when I can make time over the next 60 plus years.

With deepest regrets this obituary is running to inform you that Ann Marie Burroughs Haywood has perished.
Re died unexpectedly late last evening while entertaining a guest that should probably remain nameless.
While Re lived a long life of 90 plus years (none of us are supposed to know she is really 103) she still was spry enough to seduce the youngest of men, and did so frequently in her home in the Outer Banks of North Carolina and her summer cottage in Italy.
She leaves behind 3 children, two sons, Drake (76) who is still going strong in the competitive video game circuit while donning black hair and Dustin (81) who is made millions creating video games that only his brother Drake can beat and a daughter Deanna (79) who still wonders daily if this bizarre creature was really her mother. Also in her wake she has left a trail of men who may never get over her untimely departure from this life, one Sisper who is still laughing at the fact Re predeceased her and her OPM who loved Re unconditionally but who did not share with her the survival juice so she could make it to .. well let's just say older, so now OPM will be haunted for eternity.
Re will be met in the afterlife by her loving father, Henry Burroughs, her fake mother (who is still rolling over in her grave) Ruth Ann Hutson, her real mother who shall remain nameless as well to protect the not so innocent, a beautiful half sister who helped Re figure out the mystery of her parentage, her sweet angel Dustin Stilwell, and countless envious friends and relatives.
Please plan to attend the HomeGoing Party to be hosted by Ms Haywood's Sisper Phyllis Marsh at her Estate in Mathews County "Firefly Manor".
In lieu of flowers please plan to bring booze.

Soulmate

This post is brought to you by the letter W for Wine (probably too much of it) and the number 4 for how many too much.

Do you have a soulmate? What are your actual thoughts on what a soulmate is?

Is it someone who is in your life for a long extended period?
Is it someone who no matter how long or short they were in your life just had a profound impact on your life?
Is it someone who you are in love with and fall into a marital type relationship?
Is it someone who through life and death you still have a connection to?
Does your soulmate have to be of the opposite sex?

This is for you people out there that I see reading who don't always comment too.. I see you so leave a comment let me know you what you think.

In loving memory of Pansy Boy.
1964-2009

Happy 70th Birthday John.

Thank you for continuing to touch the lives of people 30 years later.

Mathews County Blog

So apparently in order to have a blog come up under any search for Mathews County Blogs you must have a Blog post with Mathews County in the title. Even if that blog post is about a pot bust it comes up in a google search, me I don't get so much as a blip on the radar screen of google.

Let's see if this helps change that.

If you landed here by searching for Mathews County well.. enjoy the rest of the blog this is just a book mark!

Re

Adventures with kitties...

For those of you who don't know my cat, Kittem was rescued out of a crab pot, very dehydrated and starving, she was but a wee little thing then.


As time has gone on she has grown and flourished and ate the entire end of my sofa scratched up a few things, but alas she is just a sweet baby; one who spends 75% of her time curled up on my bed in a ball and the other 25% of the time divided between howling at whatever it is she is howling at, scratching up my sofa, drinking water straight out the faucet (do not ask) and eating, all in all not such a bad life for a cat who was doomed to starve in a crab pot. (that is the longest sentence in history)

Now lets turn our attention to this little kitty, we will call her Muffin, just for the sake of calling her Muffin. I took this photo of her over a year ago by my neighbors house while trespassing when they weren't home taking photos of their pretty flowers. Muffin was just sitting there under a bush looking at me like I had lost my mind, which is quite possible. I attempted to catch her but my camera was not making very good bait and I didn't have a crab pot handy at the moment so I let her go on her way.


I have heard that Muffin still roams the neighborhood and is all grown up not to mention doing quite well for her self living in a mansion on the hill and driving a convertible Mercedes eating all the fish she can hold from down the dock, and staying warm at night by sneaking in boat cabins for a safe spot to nap. Now while this sounds like the life of luxury for one little stray kitty lets keep in mind that she must get up VERY early in the morning to ensure she is safely off of the boats before the watermen come down to go out for the day, this means one must turn in fairly early if you are going to get enough sleep especially if you spent the day wheeling around town in your Mercedes eating as many fish as you could hold.

This plan works out well for the most part except then THAT day happened, the day that Muffin was awaken by the car alarm on her Mercedes and she knew Kittem was back to take what was rightfully her's the low rumbling sound of the engine and the roll of the boat as it made it's way out of the creek! Muffin quickly thought to herself "How could I have over slept??!!". With a quick glance around the cabin she realized the door was open and there was light from the big ball of fire in the sky still streaming in, "This can't be possible." Muffin thought, as she decided to hunker back further in the cabin to keep out of sight. As she listened to the men discuss their work and what was going on she pieced together that she had not in fact over slept they had decided to go and set one more net!!! "What to do? What to do?" Muffin pondered over and over for what seemed like eternity, and finally that fateful moment occurred when she had no more recourse but to run for it.


Muffin found herself cornered in the cabin, trying desperately to hide from the men on the boat, but as they made their way to where the net was to be set they would be needing their gloves. In Muffin's haste to hide from the men she had backed herself right on to what the men were going to be reaching for next! As the waterman reached down to retrieve his gloves from the dark corner of the cabin Muffin had no choice but to make a break for it. Out of the cabin she ran like a dash causing the watermen to fall on his ass and think he was having a heart attack, up on to the washboard and up on to the dock.... What wait we are almost to the bay.. there IS NO DOCK. Unfortunately for our friend Muffin she figured this out about the same moment she went SPLASH! Muffin in her panic had made the dreadful mistake of jumping straight overboard with land no where in reach, and in her attempt to figure out how to get out of that cold, rough water that kept going over her head, in her ears, and up her nose, she began swimming in circles.

Lucky for Muffin she had one thing going for her, the kind hearted waterman that operated the boat, after he recovered from what he surely thought was a heart attack the shock of having a cat dart at you from the darkness, he went to check on Muffin and see if he could help her. What he
found as he looked for the mysterious diving cat was Muffin struggling to stay afloat, the kind waterman turned the boat around and with in minutes he and the piece of crap the dude that works with him had returned Muffin safely to dry boat where she went and perched on the bow until they were with in 5 foot of the dock where she made a flying leap to dry land and safety.

I haven't seen Muffin since, I betting that she has found a safer place to call home at night and I am sure she is still getting her fill of fish from down the dock, but there has to be some small part of her that wishes she had landed herself in a crab pot when she was just a wee thing.

Just a few more shots of Kittem I took yesterday.