Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The smell of money....

My post today is just a follow up to a few of the unanswered questions people may have from Life in Mathews today.

1. Oyster tongs.. clam rakes.. so you get a point there CBW.
2. HOWEVER, if your gill nets fit in a bucket... well that is a premature infant gill net.. when you have put them in a 50 gallon barrel then come back and talk to me :)

Gill nets how do you explain gill nets.. they are long nets that the men (or in the case of CBW and I, small children) run out of a boat with buoys and anchors and weights attached to them (unless of course yours are in a bucket then I doubt you have buoys and anchors) you allow them to sit for a bit (over night if it is not too hot and the crabs aren't eating your fish right out of the net) then you haul them back into the boat untangling very smelly fish as you go.

By smelly I mean almost make you puke smelly but as my grandfather said.. that is the smell of money.

The reason for the NAME gill net is that what is supposed to happen is the fish attempts to swim through the net and kinda like a fat kid trying to get a piece of cake through a doggie door gets stuck half way.. when the little fish tries to back out he gets all tangled up in the net with his gills.

As must of you know, the waterman well he works on the water and right this minute he is out there in the bay fishing a gill net. When he gets back to the dock today he will smell so incredibly bad that even after he takes a shower he STILL STINKS.

If you have any more questions about how bad of a stink that really is or just about how a gill net works come see me and I will send you out there and you can stink too just ask!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pre Approval Needed

Yea yea I don't blog enough whatever.. haven't felt like it so sue me, however, I could NOT get through another day without putting my approved and UNapproved obituary terms out here in cyberspace so when I "croak" (oddly that was not on the list) there will be something to reference back to when one writes my obituary. I would really like to approve the thing after the first draft but since I will be dead and my Sisper is afraid of Ouija boards I think I am out of luck.

So without further ado.. the list and the reason why the verbiage is accepted or tossed out.

asleep,- I am not terribly fond of this it could scare small children.. they may wonder why they are putting me in the ground if I am merely asleep
bereft of life,- this one I could go for.
bloodless,- use this only if I am attacked by a vampire
bought the farm,- don't bother with this one either because well lets face it.. I am never buying a farm I hate horses
breathless,- maybe if I die from lung cancer.. teach others not to pick up the nasty little habit I have
buried,- only if I have been buried pre obituary
cadaverous,- please don't use this for me.. we could however use this for my mother as she has dictated she wants her body donated to science.. IN WRITING
checked out,- NOW THIS ONE IS A KEEPER
cold,- no.. I am never cold.. down right mean and hateful but not cold.
cut off,- Dear lord in heaven.. please don't ever ever ever let me be cut off.
deceased,- I could go for this one.
defunct,- NO WAY.. THAT IS LIKE CRISP.. just a nasty word
departed,- hmm no thanks.. I don't want to depart that doesn't sound like fun.. that sounds like I legally left or left mad
done for,- Maybe so... not bad.
erased,- i REFUSE to be erased.. those that I predecease better ensure that I do NOT become erased.
expired,- I am NOT a dairy product
extinct,- Nor am I a dinosaur
gone,- I don't think I would just be gone.. that is too.. oh i don't know.. final.
gone to meet maker,- my maker.. my maker.. nah I am not feeling it.
gone to reward,- only if someone can ensure me there is booze in heaven
inanimate,- I do NOT believe that I will ever be inanimate even if I am deceased
inert,- I don't know what this one even means
late,- LORD HELP ME IF I AM LATE I will be dead cause I will die of heartfailure at the prospect of having another living being I am responsible for.. where is that booze again
lifeless,- ya.. I could do that.
liquidated,- Only if I die in a vat of acid
mortified,- no.. nothing mortifies me
no more,- I just don't like this one.
not existing,- not this one either
offed,- use this one only if I meet an untimely demise
out of one's misery,- please only use this if old husband did not predeceased me
passed away,- I have NEVER PASSED a thing in my life.. why start now.
perished,- that one always made me giggle maybe use that.
pushing up daisies,- umm HELLO i do not like flowers so NO
reposing, again.. not sure about this one.. I think not.
resting in peace,- again with the sleep thing .. it will scare little children.
spiritless,- nope I will still have a spirit I will come back and show you.. promise.

stiff, - dude seriously this is another on of those only if young handsome husband is around.. cause I haven't had anything stiff in awhile now
unanimated, I was animated the day I was born no vampire is going to suck that out of me
wasted- this may be utilized if I die intoxicated which in all likelihood will happen so lets settle this right now..

Ann Marie Burroughs Haywood deceased and she was wasted.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I am just stopping by

to let all of you know that I HATE school. Seriously.

While I know it is essential for my children's future does it HAVE to be so damn difficult on ME. I have already been through school (while it took my poor sister everything in her to drag me through it I did do it) and I do NOT recall my mother at 16 having to ask me if I had my shoes for gym, only to turn around to ask me if I had my shoes for cheer and have BOTH answers be NO.

I may be stupid or just a bit insane but by NOW I thought that I would not have to keep up with each and every little article of clothing, homework, or assignment for these teenagers. Apparently I was dead wrong. Not to mention I didn't think I would have to say.. "go take off all that crap off your eyes you look like Flo from Mel's Diner" (of course the reply to that was a blue eyeshadowed covered blank stare).

So as of yesterday the lazy summer life as I knew it has ended and my morning time has been invaded with things like spilled juice that someone watches just run on to the floor (seriously didn't even TRY to use the towel that was sitting on the table to stop it... watched it run by the towel onto the floor), someone screaming "SHUT UP" at the top of their lungs to which my reply was "NO YOU!!".. yes I know soooo mature, then having to get up 3 TIMES during the night to tell the youngest one to "PLEASE go to bed" the last time was 2 am.. I then gave up. I have not yet figured out how exactly I am going to make it through the next 178 mornings of this, I will be COMPLETE INSANE by the end of the first month.

In reality I need advice, I have never claimed to be mother of the year material but this seems to be just a bit insane, how do you get your kids to take responsibility for themselves and their work? How do you get them to set the clock for the time to get up and NOT the time the bus comes (seriously punk girl has her clock set for 10 minutes before the bus gets here but wont set it for the time she has to get up, this is so that if she goes back to sleep after getting ready she won't miss the bus)? How do you get them to ensure they have their "things" they need for sports or school ready the night before not 2 minutes before the bus comes when Mom asks.. do you have ______ and the answer is no. How do you get them to give a rats ass that their breath smells like a rats ass because they haven't brushed their teeth until Mom says.. BRUSH YOUR NASTY ASS TEETH.

I have to stop whining now because it is 2 minutes before the bus gets here and BOTH OF THEM ARE ASLEEP!!!!!

I am at the end of my rope... I didn't sign up for this.