Sunday, May 27, 2007

Before I wake up with a concussion..

Somebody PLEASE tell me that you have some sort of suggestion.

My dear sweet wonderful Waterman is an involuntary wife beater! Ok before you have heart failure.. KEEP READING! Like I said it is involuntary as well as unconscious.. he is dead to the world asleep when it happens and unfortunately so am I! He has crazy arms.. it isn't like he is swinging it is more like they are flopping, and you guys have seen him.. he isn't exactly a weakling.. he has really strong arms and hands, it is one of the things I love so much about him. In his defense he has sleep apenea which the doctor has yet to set up his appointment for (reminder to self.. call them again for the third time on Tuesday) and he moves around a lot in his sleep which normally I can sleep right through unless of course I get the right hook to the back of the head.. or the jab to the side.. or the flop to the nose.

Before you suggest a bigger bed.. we are in the biggest king size bed you can possibly buy unless we have one custom made and if I go that far I am going to have them build a wall in the middle. And please do not suggest separate beds.. one of my greatest joys is waking up with this man in the morning and hearing him say "Good Morning Sweetheart" or something to that effect. I mean seriously the world of separate twin beds for the husband and wife went out the window with Fred and Wilma Flintstone in the early 70's. Did you know they were the first couple to be seen on TV in a double bed together at the same time? Useless Knowledge .. one of my wonderful qualities that most people HATE. John Belushi was the first person to say .. umm.. (since I think at least one of my children reads this) uumm eerr.. the F word on TV .. he was doing a Samaria Guy skit on Saturday Night Live.. See Useless Knowledge. What was I talking about again?

Oh yea.. my husband's floppy arm.. there has to be an answer short of hog tying him. He suggested me tying his hands together but I figure if I do that then he is just going to flop BOTH of them on me. One is enough thank you very much. I am really at a loss. The thing about is he feels very bad about it and I know it isn't his fault .. but DAMN IT HURTS.


  1. Okay, wanting to be the ever-helpful friend...How about a hockey helmet for you. With that, Waterman can flop til his little heart's content and you're safe. HAHAHA! Yeah, I know, I'm just full of good ideas. I also have a lot of that useless knowledge stuff. Where do we learn it all, anyway?

  2. Ya know, I'm thinkin' those martoonis couldn't hurt at this point, especially since I can't smell or taste. For those times when I can smell and taste, a Cosmo is not too bad! NOT very often, though! With all of Monklings talk of Mojitos lately, though, I might have to try that. I'm so easily lead! Now, as I sign off, I have three final words for you, my friend--ALOE VERA GEL! It helps whatever is itching you--HAHA!

  3. NO suggestions for you really. I have never run across the problem myself. I, too, have a brain like a steel trap for useless bits of trivia and crap....hmm...maybe it's a woman thing?

  4. Kim stole my idea just because she got here first. Okay, forget hockey. Football. Get the helmet, the pads - that should do it. Netting going down the middle of the bed, like they have at baseball games to protect people from foul balls?

    What is it with the sports solutions, anyway?