Saturday, July 3, 2010

The proof I am officially insane...

The Town of Stinksnomore.

Before you were born there were these crazies that used to live next door and one night.. oh wait that isn't right.. let me try again.

There once was.. no that just doesn't have enough umph.. I have to have something better...

I think I have it this time so go grab your blankie and a drink of water cause this is it..

Once upon a time in a land far far away (there that is it) there stood the tiny little town of Stinksmore. Stinksmore sat in a little valley between rolling hills with quiet little streams. If you climbed to the top of the hills and looked out towards the horizon for as far as you could see there was only open space of hills and forests. The hills and forests were quite alive with creatures that no man had named or ever thought to try to tame, late into the night if you listened close you could hear them out and about.

It was spring in Stinksmore and close to the time of the annual Cornhole Tournaments and everyone was a bustle preparing their boards and bags and gathering grapes to take to The Sisters to make the special wines! Our hero Sir Dustin Pootsalot was training rigorously to become this years Cornhole King, thats King Cornholio to the peasants of the town. But alas our poor hero had a serious problem, he well.. he.. umm how do I say this.. had gas. You see Sir Pootsalot had a favorite sandwich of red robin that the fair Lady Linda made for him daily and while partaking in this lovely sandwich gave him much delight it also gave him terribly raunchy farts. Unfortunately this was a terribly problem for Sir Pootsalot as no one wanted him to enter the tournament of the century because no one could throw their bags correctly and hold their noses. This made Sir Pootsy very sad.

As the tournament got closer Sir Poopypants started practicing day in and day out but he had been banished to the outskirts of town so others could practice with both hands free, his only contact with the towns people was his daily delivery of his red robin sandwich by Lady Linda and even she would only come close enough to leave his lunch on the stump of a fallen tree. Sir Poot was getting more concerned that he would never be able to enter the tournament because of his rather pungent tummy problem and late one night he sat there on the stump and exclaimed.. "Whatever will I do! My towns people will never allow me to enter the tournament of the century but I just can not leave my beloved red robin sandwiches made by the fair Lady Linda.. they are just too good!"

Suddenly, much to the surprise of our stinky hero, there appeared a huge pink fluffy creature at the edge of the clearing, while Sir Stink stood in stunned silence (well except for that poot that sneaked out) the creature made her way closer. "SSSSHHHHHUUUUUWWWWWYYYY boy that stinks! I wouldn't let you enter the tournament either! Hi you can call me Mama Pink."

"Wha.. what.. WHAT ARE YOU??" shrieked the shaken Sir

"Why I am a Mama Pink, I just told you that.. what exactly are YOU STINKYPANTS?"

"I am Sir Dustin Pootsalot of the township of Stinksmore!"

"Well I have a feeling you have a lot to do with the name of that township little one."

"As a matter a fact they say the town is named for me and I aim to be the future king.. King Cornholio."

"My dear child you will never been entered into that tournament with that viscous smell coming from your rear."

"I know I know.. but the sandwiches made by Lady Linda are too good to not have! Whatever shall I do???"

"I heard your cry from the edge of the forest and I have come to share a tale with you from many many moons ago."

Sir Stinkorama and Mama Pink sat down in that little clearing and Mama Pink began unfolding a tale of stink for our hero, one that lead him to understand that there was hope of him becoming King Cornholio after all. It seems that years and years ago there was a Big Chief Ganna and she was so (YES girls can be Chiefs.. now hush and keep reading) afraid that Sir Stink would one day rule the world that she had broken into his room as he slept in his tiny little crib and taken a special amulet that would change things forever for Sir Gagmany. Together Mama Pink and our hero came up with a plan to confront Big Chief Ganna, a plan that would be both risky and fulfilling at the same time. A plan that would be set into action on the next full moon... which also was the next night.

Mama Pink and Sir PU met in the clearing the next night and made their way to the Castle of the Big Chief Ganna and knocked upon her door, they were led in by the most gigantic pond frogs that anyone had ever seen.. Mama Pink was considering running at this point but her love of Sir Gasmister made her move forward. As they quickly approached the BCG on her thrown they realized that she was flanked on both sides by short legged little black and white minions that snapped and ran in circles to scare off just about anyone that came near. Mama and Sir weren't deterred and continued on with their plan.

"What do I have here before me?" asked BCG

"It is just two of your faithful towns peopl.. er.. creatu.. umm it is just us." replied Mama Pink

"And what exactly is it that you interrupt my evening ritual of napping before sleeping for?" asked BCG

It was then that Mama Pink and Sir Funkalious presented BCG with a case of the finiest brew from the rockies.. (the light kind of course) and this delighted BCG so that she was willing to hear the plea of the two before her. After many hours of haggling over if it was truly time for our Sir to rule the world and set out on his own the BCG finally agreed, well sorta by then she was kinda mumbling about something that neither of them could really understand but they took it mean that it was ok.

During their conversation it was learned that a special amulet was hidden in the attic of neverfindathing and as BCG nodded off to continue her nap before sleep Mama Pink and Sir Cantholditin crept off to explore and find the amulet. After what seemed like forever and 18 years and much digging through box after box of anything you could possibly name a small box was found. They knew they must have the right box because it was labeled Special Amulet. Our friends grabbed the box and ran out the front door of the castle with the two minions barking their displeasure and nipping at their heels.

Pant Pant Pant...

"Sir Stinkalot, try on your amulet let's make sure this is the right one!" exclaimed Mama Pink

Sir Funk slid the amulet over his head and he felt the change, his tummy felt better!

"Ok.. let's give this thing a try. Cut one!" as Mama Pink took off her gas mask, what.. you didn't think she was just dealing with the funk did you???

RRRIPPPPPPPTTTTTTTT!

Sniff..

"IT WORKED IT WORKED!" As they sang and danced around

Sir Dustin Stinksalot's poots were transformed from a foul odor to the sweet smell of spring flowers! The next day Sir Notsostinky walked through town and signed up for the tournament of the century as all the towns people followed in his unstinky wake.

Mama Pink was to watch the tournament from the outskirts of town hidden in the shadows of Lady Linda's Red Robin Sandwich stand and as Sir Dustin Pootsalotbutitisok came by for his daily sandwich she wished him well and bid him ado and said it was time for her to return to the forests but for Sir Sweetsmelly to never forget that she was always there for him when he needed her.

Our hero went on to win the tournament and was crowned King Cornholio! His first order of business was to change the name of the town to Stinksnomore.

5 comments:

  1. Was there any doubt?

    You are one of the bravest, funniest, cheekiest and silliest chicas EVER. Thanks for this!

    -- Laurie

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